Comm - Chapter 7

Listening and Communicating

Here is something I think everyone can do better, listening. I remember my mother yelling at us that we are 'hearing but not listening.' I never understood that phrase until I started to work in the corporate world. When I first started college (pre-kids) I worked as a waitress, the only listening skill I needed was rote memory, write the order, send the order, pick up the order, and deliver the order. Was I really listening? I don't think so.

Lately, I have found myself really trying to actively listen. This is certainly a learned skill and one that is not easy to accomplish! There is a lot of noise that you have to filter through in order to affectively and actively listen. In my office we are all in cubes, only VPs and Directors have offices - this is by design. So, as managers, we sit in these cubes along side our teams. The distractions are many, not only the conversations that the customer service reps are having with customers, but other conversations in other cubes, cooler conversations, meetings, printers, faxes, phones ringing, laughter, wind, the air-conditioner, paper shuffling, coughing, sneezing, the hum of the florescent lights, and many more. You would think that I work in an awfully noisy environment but just close your eyes and listen to the noise that surrounds you - really listen.

Other noise consists of my own thoughts, breathing, and any part of me that may be sore; maybe I’m not feeling well, allergies, even the thoughts of what we might respond with when the speaker has paused. Other distractions, even though you don’t literally think about them are home life, did I unplug the curling iron, is the dog okay, was it trash day today!

There is so much noise to shift through in order to be an affective listener. You really need to concentrate and paraphrase the sender’s message, keep eye contact, acknowledge and respond. This has been the most difficult to learn for me as I always have so much going on in my life my brain is forever processing information, dates, times and the like and, ok, I confess, I’m very controlling.

Listening on the Internet, comprehending a senders message, is entirely different; there is no inflection, body language or context for the sender or receiver to utilize. Therefore, most of our written communications can come off very differently. What would you think if your boss typed an email that simply stated “Come see me,” what would you think? Am I in trouble, did I get that report wrong, what did I do? Hey, it may be that long deserved bonus! You have to be very descriptive over electronic communications; I have incorporated some humor in my emails when communicating with my teams. If there is no humor from Jo – it must be a serious communications but I don’t send many of those serious ones! ;-)

What style do you use when you listen?